Mortal Moment

Mortal Moment

Keith Nightingale

For any member of the Infantry who has been in mortal combat, there is a “Mortal Moment”; that is the moment when he is shot at for the first time and responds appropriately. He is scared, frightened and intensely anxious to prove he is a worthy part of his unit. The only way he can achieve that is by doing what he is charged to do.

Against all normal, personal and societal instincts, he steps forwards and undertakes the serious business of killing other people. People in a more forgiving environment and in the safety of their own domestic sanctuary may ignore this or soften the edges or close their senses to reality, but he will not and cannot. He is Infantry, and that is what he does.

This moment carries with it a burden that is retained throughout his consciousness of life. He performs admirably in a difficult situation, yet he cannot adequately describe or discuss it with anyone outside of his small intimate family of fellow Infantry now and forever. Only they understand.

Infantry closes with the enemy, sees him as clearly as he would an opponent in a deadly sports event and chooses to respond in the most primordial but necessary manner. As Kipling described, “The wolf is the strength of the pack, and the pack is the strength of the wolf.” The Infantry unit, to survive like the wolf, must be composed of wolves all the time, and the pack must respond as a pack must. This is not a nicety. It is a necessity known by all the members.

He lives a constant contradiction between what he must do and what he has been taught to do in another life. The conflictive aspects are cast aside while he is in the moment for the duration of his service.

Once released to his prior world of safety, security and the niceties of society, he must frequently wrestle with his actions taken on behalf of people who are oblivious as to how and why he served them. He cannot explain his actions as they would be rejected or vilified by people incapable of accepting what he had no choice in doing.

This is a burden all Infantry carry and always will.  It is an individual cross to bear for a lifetime from that Mortal Moment whose weight is only lifted by the deep and heartfelt appreciation of those other members of the pack bearing the same burden and carrying the same cross. The Mortal Moment is both a great and terrible thing. It is a shared experience within a very elite and minuscule pack which makes it both a blessing and a curse.